Monday, September 27, 2010

勿忘我

以前看日劇 男女主角其一搬出去了
留下來的人看著浴室 還留在洗臉台上的牙刷
突然無限感慨 長吁短嘆

我原本認為很可笑的劇情
寧可看著他其他留下的東西難過 也不會看著牙刷就難過起來

但是 確實發生了
我看著那雙藍色的牙刷 還有我那支形單影隻的粉色牙刷
我哭了

應該要丟掉的 卻扔不出去
每次拿到房門口放著 看不到就算了
最後總是又衝出去 把他的東西救回來

已經多少次了?
這樣哭到與世隔絕 萬念俱灰 心死如焚的
已經多少次了?
想著他說過的話 他的承諾 他的甜言蜜語 他的溫柔 他的熱情
再想起 最後 他很冷靜 很平靜的 很為難的 娓娓道來 我們之間的問題

以前不是問題的問題 現在都是問題了

我累了 喜歡 是這樣辛苦
我的父母這樣無條件的愛我 不是讓你來糟蹋我的
不喜歡我 就請你走吧

不要回頭看我 也不要說謊了
你根本不愛我 你愛的是你自己
我也是 愛自己多一點的人

害你花了很多錢跟我一起旅行 對不起
不知道該怎麼賠償你的損失
如果我破碎的心可以給你 就請你拿去吧!

最後的最後
只請你
勿忘我
請你
記得我們

Saturday, September 11, 2010

我想記得 I want to remember...

雖然女性的平均壽命很長 但生命稍縱即逝 所以 我下決心 每天一定做 我最想做的事
Although the average life of women is pretty long, I am not sure about my life. Life could be relatively short or long to me. You never know what will happen. Therefore, I made up my mind. Everyday I will do what I like to do.

我也珍惜每次的見面 因為每次都可能是最後一面
I also cherish every time to see my friends and my family, because each time could be the last time.

朋友 家人 分散各地 下次想再見面 已經不知道是何年何月? 以前總是顧忌著 在機場告別 居然因為害羞不敢擁抱家人 最後總是後悔的上了飛機 才開始大哭
We can't say when we will meet next time. I was very shy before. When I said goodbye to my family in the air port, I couldn't hug them because of my shyness. Afterwards, I was very regretful and felt so sad.

現在 我一定緊緊的擁抱 因為下次見面 也許是一年 也許是兩年後了 我想記得 家人的溫暖 家的感覺
Thus, I will hug them tightly next time, because next meeting could be one or two years later. I want to remember the warmth of my family and the feeling of family.

如果你也是記憶猶新 上次在雨中 我們共撐著一把小傘 雨很大 把我們兩個各半邊都打溼了 於是 我使出老招 右手撐傘 左手環抱著你 不知道你是否感覺到 我的溫暖 你淋溼的那半邊 現在在我們的傘下了
If you could recall, last time we walked in the rain. We shared one tiny umbrella. It rained heavily. We're half wet and soaked in the water. Then I played my old tricks. I hold the umbrella by right hand and hug you by my left arm. Did you feel my body warmth? Your half wet body was under the umbrella now.

那天晚上 我們找尋著公車站牌 因為你走的飛快 我趕不上你 所以伸出手一把牽著你 我們終於可以肩並肩走著 每次穿過人群 你從背後伸出援助的手 拉著我一起往前
That night, we looked for the bus stop. You walked so fast. I couldn't follow you. Then I grabbed your hand. Finally we could walk in the same pace. When we had to pass through the crowds, you grabbed me from your back. I like this.

當你牽著我 是否可以感覺我的脈搏? 我正在細細品嘗著幸福 低下頭 不敢看你的側臉 因為我不想讓別人分享我的喜悅 我的幸福 希望這一刻能成為永恆 我想記得 你手心的溫度
Could you feel my pulse when you hold my hand? I indulged myself in the happiness at that moment. However, I couldn't look at your face. I didn't want anyone noticed how happy I was. I was hoping this moment could be forever. I want to remember your palm warmth.

我也記得第一次牽手 掌心不停冒汗 每一個細微的小動作 每一個細微的觸摸 深深刻畫在我腦海 即使你鬆開手 卻還能感覺到你的溫度 你的觸摸 在我手裡 不停的重演著
I could still recall the first time when you hold my hand. My hands sweated profusely. Each touching, each movement from you etched on my mind. Even though you loosed you hand, I could still feel you in me. I will never forget about it.

也許是最後一次親吻? 我用力的呼吸著 想帶走你身上的味道 細細的品嘗著你 想記得你的溫度 你的觸感 你的鬍渣 像貓舌一樣粗糟的觸感
Might be the last kiss we have. I breathed so heavily, because I wanted to take your smell with me. I wanted to taste you and remembered your warmth, your touching, and the feeling of your stubble, just like the feeling of tongue of cat.

但實際上的最後一次 我卻只是淺淺的吻了你 然後把頭埋在你懷抱裡 因為眼淚不聽使喚的流 像個孩子一樣 第一次被送到學校上課 第一次跟家人分開似的 不想放開你
However, the real last time I only pecked on your lips and buried my head in your arms. Because I couldn't control my tears, I cried like a baby. Like the first time my parents sent me to the school, but I could stand being separated. I can't let you go.

如果你也記得 那次你載著我回家 雖然我很厚臉皮的跳上車 又不敢把手搭在你身上 但是我很開心 因為我喜歡這樣親近你 寧可天氣好的時候 我們可以這樣一路兜風 或是一起回家 也不要開車 因為我喜歡這樣靠在你背後
If you could remember, last time you rode me home. Actually I jumped to your back and forced you ride me home and I was too shy to hug you. But it was extremely pleasure for me. I like being so close to you. I'd rather like to do this than driving a car. I wish we could ride bicycle everyday like this. You looked so young, so lively on the bike. And of course, I would prefer to be closer to you.

席慕容的詩 "不要因為也許會分離 就不敢求一次傾心的相遇 不要因為也許會改變 就不敢說那句美麗的誓言"
"Don't be afraid of love, just because you might be apart; Don't be afraid to make your vow, just because things might change."

我還記得那天 雖然腦子很亂 心裡很害怕 我還是很想跟你在一起 所以我回應你的擁抱 我知道 將來我們也許會彼此傷害 會分開 我們會一起大喜大悲 但那是愛人才有的權利
I remember that day, even though my mind was in a mess and I was so afraid to express myself. But I want to be with you so much. So, I responded to your hug, your caress, and your kiss. I could expect one day we will separate, maybe we will harm each other, and we will experience the highest pleasure and the deepest sorrow, but it's privilege for lovers. And I want to experience with you.

知道相聚有時 分離有時 所以我把握這段時間 只要一點點就好 盡可能陪著你 因為那是我想做的事
I could expect one day you will leave me, but I cherish the time when we're together. Even though just a little bit more time, I want to be with you. That's what I want to.

我想要睜開眼 閉上眼 都是你
I want to see you day and night.

實際上我卻很膽小 不知道這樣的愛你 是否太沉重 讓你無法呼吸 溺水似的 最後只想離去
However I am a coward. I am afraid you can't afford my intense love, which just choked your throat and made you only want to leave.

於是乎 我永遠說著 要離開你 因為我離不開你 我想聽到你求我留下
Therefore, I said I want to leave you so ironically. The truth is I hope you will ask me to stay.

可是我後悔了 自己下了決心 每天一定要做自己喜歡做的事 我卻說了違心之論 直到那天 你真的離開我了
I lied to myself and to you. I betrayed myself. And then you did leave me.

腦子一片空白 想記得的 想好好品嚐的 全都消失了 只有淚眼汪汪的看著你離去
My mind was blackout completely. Everything was gone from my mind. I was so helpless and couldn't stop you but crying. All I could do was watching you walk to the gate and vanish behind the door.

我心裡怨懟著你 責備著自己 一定是哪裡錯了 你才會離開我 如果給我一次機會 如果還有一次機會 我還是會用盡全身的力量愛你 因為我不懂其他的方法
I blamed myself. Must be something wrong. Please allow me to try again, if we could start all over again. I will still love you with my whole heart, because that's the only way I know.

如果眼淚可以喚回你 寧可哭瞎了眼 也要繼續愛你
If my tear could bring you back, I would cry until blinding and love you.

Friday, September 10, 2010

打不倒的巨人 The Giant

這不是介紹偉人的故事 這只是一個關於現實生活的故事
It is not a biography for a great person. No. The story is just about the reality of life.

我們曾經有著相同的想法 構築著相同的夢想 在哪裡 明知是不可能的現實 但我們仍舊相信 問題 是可以克服的
Once we had the same idea. We built up the blueprint for our Neverland. We had very strong and determined wills, because we wanted to be together so much. There were lots of troubles confront to us, but we knew we could beat them all.

當時 你一直說服我 讓我相信著 現在的等待都不算什麼 因為總有一天 我們就像鳥兒一般 總記得回家的路 距離再也不是問題了
Before you tried so hard to convince me, you made me believe that the short apart would be worthy. One day we will be together. Just like the birds, we know the ways home and finally the distance won't be problem any more.

但終究 你放棄了 我死心了
However, you gave up. I felt so tired too.

每天的網路約會 變成了負擔
The cyber-date everyday became such burden for us.

每天的信件 變成例行公事
The mails were only routine works.

以前 你會揪著我聊天
Before, you would like to talk to me and would not let me leave you.

後來 你開始消失 一天 兩天 三天 演變成 一週 兩週 三週
Somehow, you never showed up online. Your status was always offline. You're gone for one day, two days, three days... and then a week, two weeks, and three weeks.

當我們在地球的彼端戀愛著 我常庸人自擾的擔心著 今天 我如果怎麼了 就算過了十年你也不會知道的 因為 我不是你的誰 你也不是我的誰 我車禍死了 聯絡的是我的家人 也沒人通知你的 除非你很有心的找了我
We're from end to end of the world. I always worried about you, if I couldn't contact with you. If something happened to you or to me, we would not be informed. The hospital would only inform family members. No one would tell you or tell me what happened there. Only if we tried so hard to find each other.

三週過去了 四週過去了 我知道有問題了
After three weeks, four weeks passing, I knew something was wrong.

大家都勸我 男人 本來就不喜歡這些事情 聊天 說話 表達情緒 是女人喜歡的事
Everybody told me that man never likes chatting or expressing feelings. It's something special for woman.

我開始失落 失落 一顆心沉到海底 我告訴自己 安慰自己 我早知道會這樣了 當我不在你眼前 重要性也就相對下降了
I felt so empty. My heart is falling and falling. It is in the deep Mariana Trench. I told myself I knew this would happen. I knew it. "Out of your eyes, then out of your minds." For you, I am not as important as before. All the good feelings and body warm had gone. Same for me. I forgot about your smell and your kiss too.

之前你說的不是謊話 就算現在的表現也是最真實的反應
I knew you never lied to me. The things you promised me they're true before. Nevertheless, the reaction from you now was also very honest and direct response.

大家都勸我原諒你 因為這本來就是不可能的任務
I should forgive you, because long distance relationship is mission impossible indeed.

於是我選擇諒解你當時的衝動 以及現在的理智
Therefore, I forgive that you fell in love me of blind impulse and you decided to leave me now rationally.

當時 我是真的 被你感動了 原本不再相信愛情的我 你觸動我內心深處的渴望 我的喜怒 我的天真 你讓我再次相信 這世上最無形的力量
I was really touched by you then. Before I could not believe in love, the kind of love, romance were only existed in novel or poems. However, you intrigued the deepest desire, joyfulness, and dreams in my heart. You made me see the most powerful but invisible force in the world.

就在我被你捧的高高的在雲端 就在我以為看到奇蹟的同時 我摔了下來
You hold me up in the cloud highly. I thought I saw the miracle. Just like Trinity saw the beautiful sky when she and Neo flew through the clouds. Meanwhile, I fell down.

這次 不再是無防備的自由落體 我已經不是二十歲 二十五歲的我 而是三十了
But this time I prepared. It's not free fall any more. I am not 20, or 25 any more, but 30 years old. I thought I am an experienced and sophisticated 30 years old woman.

我已經學會 堅持不一定有用 喜歡不一定有用 但總要嘗試過 即使摔的再痛 我還是會向你跑過去的 因為 我喜歡(過)你
I have learned something from my life. Persistence in love would not always work, but I have to try at least. Even though I knew it will hurt so much, I would still run to you, because I love you.

你曾經像奇蹟般照亮了我
You delighted my life then.

但我們終究還是敵不過現實這個巨人 他一再的打倒我 戳破我們的謊言
However, we could not beat the Giant, the reality. He always won. He destroyed our Neverland.

我也已經學會不哭泣 沒有用的眼淚 再也不要流了
但在我能停下來之前 還是讓我放聲大哭吧!
I also have learned not to cry. Crying like a baby couldn't help. I should not do it any more.
But before I could stop, please allow me to.

有一天 我們會各自得到幸福的 也許有一天 我們終究會像鳥兒一樣 找到回家的路
One day, we will get our happinesses. Maybe one day, we will find our ways home just like the birds.